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Basem Wasef

Mega Merger Announced by Japanese Motorcycle Manufacturers

By April 1, 2012

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Motorcycle Stabilizers

On the heels of an unprecedented sales stagnation triggered by the global recession, Japan's "big four" motorcycle manufacturers-- Honda, Kawasaki, Suzuki and Yamaha-- announced an alliance today that they will develop, build, and distribute bikes under one banner. Corporation representatives revealed that the deal will involve a strategic meeting of the minds that hasn't been seen since the German Auto Union conglomerate was founded in 1932.

The new organization promises to be a technological tour de force. "We will usher in a new era of motorcycling," said spokesperson Soichiro Genichi Kojiro Michio, speaking on behalf of the manufacturers. "Using our new collective of racetracks which now includes Fukuroi, Motegi, Autopolis, and Hamamatsu, we will engineer a bold new breed of four-cylinder superbikes that will beat the best from Germany, Italy, and beyond."

Not content with sportbike domination, the new company, dubbed KawaYamaHondUki, will also tackle a complete re-thinking of the cruiser genre. "We will reassess the sound qualities that make single-pin, air-cooled engines sound so pleasing and apply them to a new line of motorcycles," Mr. Michio said, "And we will test and develop our new cruisers where they are most adored: on the Main Streets of America's Midwest."

The merger also revealed more about their motivations by mentioning that their guiding principle is captured by their internal slogan, "Operation Kamikaze," which captures the new company's take-no-prisoners approach to market share accumulation. "By bringing together our collective powers, we will deliver a world class 200+ horsepower, 1,000cc sportbike for under $10,000, a 100 cubic-inch cruiser for under $5,000, and an eight-cylinder touring bike for less than the price of a maxi-scooter."

Representatives from Aprilia, BMW, Ducati, KTM, and Triumph refused to comment, but the U.S. Congress has announced a task force to fund a new initiative within Harley-Davidson that will retaliate with "Operation Heritage," a multi-platform motorcycle lineup based on carbureted, air-cooled v-twins.

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Photo Getty Images

Comments
April 1, 2012 at 4:08 pm
(1) Joe says:

“Operation Kamikaze” , love it! I can’t wait to buy my first KawaYamaHondUki cruiser. Hope the name isn’t to long to fit on the gas tank.

April 1, 2012 at 5:03 pm
(2) Pete says:

Never mind worrying about whether or not the name will fit on gas tank. Honda / Red, Suzuki / Yellow (Blue?), Kawasaki / Green, Suzuki / Blue…the paint job promises to be nauseating!

April 1, 2012 at 5:12 pm
(3) gary novak says:

april fools!

April 1, 2012 at 5:14 pm
(4) gary novak says:

APRIL FOOLS

April 1, 2012 at 6:14 pm
(5) Pete says:

APRIL FOOLS??? WTF??? You mean there’s not gonna be a $200, 10,000hp sport bike.
Damn!

April 2, 2012 at 8:55 am
(6) Random says:

Nice play with the spokeperson’s name

April 2, 2012 at 12:15 pm
(7) vegasvfr says:

April fools joke….

April 2, 2012 at 4:18 pm
(8) Dabber says:

The last 2 years you got me. I was waiting for it this year. Thanks for all the good writing!!

April 4, 2012 at 11:23 am
(9) Rider says:

April F_____G Fool H.D. willnow be H.H.D. Hanes- Hardly Davidson. I will run on old T Shirts

April 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm
(10) LTR4Ever says:

April Fool!! Wouldn’t matter if all the Jap bike companys did get together, their bikes would still suck!

September 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm
(11) shane says:

jap bikes are the best built bikes in the world harley is s*** couldnt go more then 50 mils with out pissing oil when they copied indian motor engine they should have asked them to make the gaskets is the us copied the japs they would make billions more in revenue selling bikes around the world

April 2, 2013 at 12:53 am
(12) mrdata says:

Geez Shane. Take a breath.

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